Lion Dreaming


4/23/94

Riding the Chimes

Oh My love, you lie beside me so whimsically
you fit in the curve of my body
I push my hand into your center hard
trying to heal you
I push my head into your head hard
trying to get in.
My love, I see you here brighter and brighter
I see you drifting open
shrinking in your despair
your heart pulled out
I take it and cradle it in my arms darling
I touch you and heal you
you grow tendrils close up are whole.
I walked through your studio and I saw your pain, her pain
I saw through your eyes my own pain
I got so large, covered you healed you
I covered her, healed her
I covered the earth
I covered the universe
I flowed out flowed out flowed out
Soft blue horizons
my journal becomes poetry
our first love poem.
Today we will ride the chimes upward in the wind and storm
we will ride on the horse's back
with angel wings outspread take off,
and then off the horses back fly upward upward
hands together swirling naked now intertwined lovers ascending
spirit lovers.
My dearest, you wash me above all of this
above our frail bodies our skin hard borders
fall fall fall into my love into our waters
swirl slip downward drop
drop and here we stand naked
next to each other
radiant shining.
We are a vision we have captured the light
it is ours for our parents, our children
it flows from our open heart together
my dearest.
This morning I sat on the couch oh the blur,
I smell you, your odor comes into me and I swoon
you cannot imagine how pungent it is it is more than
in life it goes into my air it is my air I breathe you in
my tongue goes deep into your mouth I taste your
sweetness and then I swim downward in it to your open heart
I feel you eat my love
and as I swim I get stronger and stronger in you I see soo clearly
my eyes are open and closed I see, and I see your light.
I touch your face my dearest I slide my fingers down your slippery back
I touch your nipples
you fall your hand drops off the couch
"I am deep" you sigh "sooo deep"
and I drift down over you like a blanket of love
covering your pain and sadness
so tightly it makes me cry
and then laughing I rise above you
pull you to me and eat your smile
laughing washing me clean your energy pulls me upwards your
energy feeds my soul my dearest spirit lover
I hear your cries like coos they are my caresses
now I hear "oh My love" I drown in it
and breathe it and breathe it the water of your
love oh My love oh My love
and I go through the window of your heart through your eyes
opened the deepest I know you I am you I have been there
I am there I see you as my queen a goddess on high
I see your power coming into you raising you up up up
and I see so deeply my love for you dearest
Last night I saw your sadness chaos confusion your sorrow
and I reached out through the glass the glass to touch your face
but would not pull you from the car.
But later you came to me in the night your fierce lion
you bit me on my neck I panted with love
I am in you I put my face into you bite
your back open and go
So My love, I surround you and I am surrounded by you
I drink you and am drunk by you
I come for your spirit
I take it away in the night
we fly together my love.

4/26/94

Lion dreaming as I risk loving you

Our babies leave no footprints in the sand.
I woke at 5:00 and tried not, tried to
I tried to not think of you, tried to be with you
but I was not in control, I was lion dreaming.
Yesterday I took my parents to Lion Country Safari,
we sat in the car and watched the lions for hours.
A couple sneaked off from the rest, suddenly he mounted her
soo gently lovingly, like he weighed almost nothing
they separated, they rolled over on their backs parallel
then softly fell back again so they were tilted to each other
opened their legs towards each other like two sides
each a vulva apart each a half of an opening.
We are each a half of an opening my deepest love.
The softest fur on their bellies was pinkish yellow
I could feel it on my face
it stroked my ear pulled against my beard.
I smelled her she stood up he feigned disinterest
she went behind him and nuzzled him, sniffed him soo gently.
I am nuzzled and sniffed by you so gently my lion lover,
I turn and I too mount you and I weigh nothing
far less than he does
our babies leave no footsteps in the sand.
Soo my love my dearest I find myself in a different place with you now
I find myself lion dreaming
I am not ordinary here I exist with you in lion space.
Coming off the plane I ran to you drawed you to me held you tight
I knew then I was again deeply in love with you.
I recognized you again fell into you again in surprise.
We walked we stopped I stared into your eyes and we kissed
the whole airport completely disappeared,
we were alone swirling spinning ascending dreaming.
Driving in your car from the airport
the car is gone I see only you I touch you over and over again
trying to understand what was happening to make memories
to pay attention to fully taste and feel every moment.
On your driveway on the quiet of the soft sand
I am telling you how I travel how I can see inside how I heal.
You knew that you smiled at me take me take me we were in.
The next morning you came to me I had been lion dreaming
I spent the night in visions in prayer
with you I am not ordinary.
We sat and you told me about your pain
the place disappeared the two old chairs gone
I am inside you, I spin and break it up and
at the same time cover you with kisses within
kiss your deepest recesses over and over again
I blow away the darkness, suck it up and spit it out
turn into a whirlwind of fire and get us out of there.
Our babies leave no footprints on the sand.
We go inside the house come into our eyes and fall in deeper
we roll and turn I push myself closer and closer into you
I push my head next to yours alongside your onto your head
I go into your head I am as you.
I laugh I find I can get into you with a sideways left hand roll
inside I again see out of your eyes am both of us at once
and we roll deeper, we growl, bite laugh go back in.
I lick your back I bite you gently not so gently.
We are swimming you say you push my head downwards.
We are each a half of an opening my deepest love.
You roll halfway off the couch look up at me with your eyes half closed
We are each half of an opening my deepest love.
In the shower I stare into your eyes the shower is gone
I see the plains the tall grass blowing in the sun
but our babies leave no footprints on the sand.
"Why do lovers open their mouths when they kiss", she asks
"why" you say and look at me like it is my land
I wash you soo gently carefully this is important I say
For you know I am washing you clean forever
I am washing your insides clean of pain with more than soap.
And now I am deeply in our lion dreaming
I am spending my night in a vision of following you
being followed sniffing being sniffed
and separating rolling over towards each other
and gazing into your eyes.
Does he while gazing into her eyes get in
Does he clean her out and take her away and travel?
For my dearest love I find that when I am with you
when I am lion dreaming I am deep.
I am rolled over not ordinary half of an opening looking up at you.
And I am far more than a lion in there, I am in the tunnels of rock
I find you as a queen we circle upward to the whiteness
we are joined by the red figures are rolled in diaphanous light
we are on the plain in the darkness eluding our pursuers
gaining power rapidly laughing in the face of danger
and we are back up again as jewels joining and exploding
like suns.
Soo my deepest love my mate my pride soo
I feel you in my heart like a pressure
I feel you trying to get out to expand to open me even more
I feel you in me as a buzzing
I feel you massaging me trying to wake me up
and it scares me more than a little this lion love
it takes me to my walls and shows me my death.
But now I stand there humble before the light
your hand is in mine I am like a child before it
I look up at you you get very large I come up too
I remember I can get very large I can change shape at will
I smile at you as we grow as we grow together
and I know why I am here with you my dearest love.
For quite simply you draw me towards you
you nuzzle me sniff me smile at me kiss me
and you my dearest love give me my lion dreams
you let me drop through you you are the doorway my muse
falling into you I become nonordinary I see I face my death
and you are there with me and together we heal
the earth.

4/27/94

Airport Swirling Finds Your Light

On the plane getting ready to land
my heart beat in my chest echoed outwards filled the plane
I was drawn to you felt your energy started to feel you about me my lover
I felt you in front of me a denseness in space a thickness in time
I moved forwards and fell into you popped out of me and was in
My love I want to speak directly to you my deepest love
I look into your eyes fall into your eyes fall deeply into you
and then I speak from inside you from inside your spaciousness
I echo in you my sounds bounce off of your walls
and back out I look again into your eyes and talk to you.
"My love, would it have made a difference if we had made love" I said
"my love, what is it like being with me" you said
my love how do you love me what will happen to us what will we do
back in your depths I move freely I fall deeper I get larger
and as I get larger it is more spacious inside you you grow grow grow
very large now towering in space we are not superimposed two giant
figures floating in space our spirit forms one over another larger
larger.
As we landed I received two thoughts, my dear, talking to you looking in your deep eyes trying not to fall in again staying out
pay attention, make memories
for I know, like I know death itself
that each moment is radiantly sacred
each moment is enlightened alive is expanding, expanding love
catching fire.
And drawing towards you I saw the terminal light up
I saw your whole light dazzling like a sunrise
and I saw that time had slowed down again that you had given me
a huge gift of your love the gift of the moments between time
the hole in space.
As they lay dying I knew that I had to pay attention, not turn away
I did not want to make memories, I was following instructions.
The voice said "this is the most important thing for you to do
look at it directly keep your eyes on it like it was God"
So I saw them breathe in, now without difficulty
it had been labored for hours noisy heart wrenching
and then soo softly gently they did not breath in again
and I tried to keep my eyes on thier face now soo beautiful
always I realized soo beautiful
and there was first a great wailing
like the universe was sending something out, on
and looking more closely I saw, heard perfect peace
total silence and then felt a release
for her for me an ascension a flying up
and a voice said "with the wailing and the peace, my love, comes an
opening of your heart"
a consolation prize
and My love here you are
And I am talking to you looking into your eyes staying out to make love to you from the outside
I knew this moment was the same, look at her do not look away my love
look at me do not look away
for in attention is the opening
in the looking in my eye is the falling is the seeing is the grace
and my love I am talking directly to you my dear
You have opened my eyes wide
I see like an eagle see in all directions I see to the sides I see in the back of my head and the world all of it comes into my sight like a jewel like lovers
compressed and expanded at once in and out in and out.
I walked from the plane looked around the small terminal
and in the midst of the enormous brightness the glowing of a thousand suns
was your vortex were your eyes was your open heart
I ran to you my love and I am talking to you I am looking in your eyes
I ran to you and was home I could not believe the swirling the sucking down the falling
and in the airport a place of taking off of landing
it stopped again but now no wailing
just a chorus of angels singing with joy
and then the silence the release
the voice "with the singing and the peace comes
an opening of your heart"
a consolation prize
and you are here My love
And in you I am talking from inside you now
it is the greatest place of beauty a love so deep so old so spacious
I rest in your heart my dearest love I recline in your huge inner world
I revel in your spaciousness I feel power in you center.
Airport swirling finds your light
airport swirling sucked into the vortex of your soul so deep so beautiful.
My love my dearest love oh My love why are our hearts so connected
so connected that I cannot pull them apart I cannot separate us
and I want to speak to you deeper so I am inside you
I am in and out a heartbeat a dancer
I look in your eyes and try to speak to you
I swirl and speak from within from your own depths
I try to come to emerge out to bring it out for us to
expand in love my song my cries of joy my coos
and I find myself airport swirling
singing from within your heart
my deepest love.